Something just isn't right here.

Ever have that gnawing feeling that just won't go away?  That something just doesn't "feel" right.  It could be an everyday and common business transaction or a light conversation with someone you've known for years or even a perfect stranger.  It could be a series of seemingly unconnected events spanning years that suddenly point to something, a conclusion you have never considered, nor wanted to.  Or, something totally out of the blue.  A contempt for someone you know absolutely nothing about.  He or she could be the most likable gal or guy anyone has met including you.  But there it is, an angst about a person you can't trace to anything he or she has said or done by yourself or anyone else.  Or conversely, it is something said in jest or sincerity that piques your conscience, jabs at your heart.  A warning that what your seeing or hearing has roots that go deep.  The intellect kicks in right about here and says "there is no rational reason for you to feel this way".  Quickly you come to a conclusion that you have "issues" that need dealt with.  Maybe your just jealous.  That all common, awful rotten manifestation of the heart that can ruin a man.

  O! beware, my lord, of jealousy;  It is the green-eyed monster which doth mock.  The meat it feeds on.

~William Shakespeare, Othello

But then, you ask, "why would I be jealous of someone I don't know?"  "Am I insecure?"  (Whatever that means)  "That could cause feelings of being threatened....."  (from what?)  No man knoweth his own heart better than himself beside God alone.  "If jealousy, then kill it" you say.  You know your just as weak as the next person,  the Spirit has taught you this.  The only way to deal with the flesh is to deal whatever it tries to bind you with a death blow.  Self sacrifice.  Everything has to go on the line.  In the world, it would call for war, competition, "hard work" to mend those pangs of inadequacy and overcome the foe to prove your superiority.  Sports is the "soft porn" of this prideful way.  But in the Kingdom, fear, humility and faith are the rule.  There is no glory in man there.

Welcome to the realm of doubt, paranoia and the walk by faith alone.  Every Christian should feel this state of mind at one time or another or they are impostors.   The true Christian walk isn't all feel good honey sweet blue sky Joel Osteen kind of way.   If you feel a little uncomfortable around these kind of people don't be discouraged.  God doesn't enjoy "clanging cymbals" either.  He puts them in the same category with lukewarm water.  Rather, it's often more like hand-to-hand combat with the enemy, and that enemy in your face and in your nostrils is you. Once you put that "gut" feeling through the filter of self examination and prayer, maybe even seeking out godly advice from a trusted brother or sister, and you have a clear conscience, you have yourself a bona fide mystical experience.   Now is the time the opposition begins it's work.  The hidden truth has just now been exposed and the enemy of souls is never happy to have his dirty work known.  You will be a target.  And the very tests you put yourself through will be used against you.  You will be accused of jealousy for example, insecurity or any number of psychological  nonsense.  If you've already been there you can have confidence.   If not, if it was overlooked, you can stop and reconsider before moving on to the next step of faith.   It's about to get messy.